Writer Envy
I debated whether or not to post this, but in the interest of keeping myself honest and talking about all sides of this writing thing, I decided to go ahead.
My friend Seanan McGuire’s debut novel Rosemary and Rue [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] came out at the start of September. It’s a great book, and I’m thrilled for her success. Yet there’s a part of me that compares her Amazon listing–50+ reviews, a ranking in the 1000 range, and #99 of all fantasy titles at Amazon, all more than a month after her release–to my own, and comes away feeling envious.
I hate comparing myself to other writers. A friend gets a $30,000+ advance, and while I’m truly happy for them and excited for their news, there’s also that tiny whisper asking why I’m not earning the same.
I hate it because it makes me lose sight of what I already have. The Mermaid’s Madness [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] has a month-long face-out display at most Barnes and Noble stores. Mermaid’s first week’s sales were the best of any of my books so far. Publishers Weekly called it “a witty, well-constructed adventure tale about powerful women stepping up with skill and cleverness.” I’m the freaking guest of honor at Icon in Iowa in two days!
But then I compare my web-only PW review to Laura Anne Gilman’s starred PW review for Flesh and Fire [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] (which looks like an awesome book, by the way), and suddenly my good news feels … deflated, somehow. Even if only for a moment.
Screw that. The fact is, I’ve got an awful lot to be proud of. I have five books in print. The first three have earned out their advances and gone back for multiple printings. They’ve been translated into a half-dozen languages. I even have miniatures of my characters. How freaking cool is that???
The self-doubt and the insecurities are insidious, and they don’t magically disappear once you get a book deal. It’s only three years since my first book with DAW hit the shelves; I’m still a fairly new writer. Maybe this is normal. Maybe it takes a good track record with 10 or 15 books to start earning those higher advances, and for the big review venues to really sit up and take notice.
I love what I’m doing, and I wouldn’t trade it. Fairy tale princesses might not be as hot as My Little Pony with Steampunk Zombies*, but I love these stories, and I’m proud of them. I know there will always be more successful writers, and that to compare myself to everyone who does better than me means I’m creating completely distorted expectations for myself. I know all of this, but the emotions don’t always listen to the logic.
Fortunately, I also know the envy is a transient thing. I’m proud of my friends, and happy for them. The envy will pass (for the most part), but the pride remains, because my friends rock, and they’ve earned that success. I’m happy for myself, too–happy and proud, and that will still be there after the envy fades.
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*Yes, now I want to write it too.
RKCharron
October 21, 2009 @ 10:03 am
Hi Jim 🙂
A little envy is normal I think.
And human.
🙂
All the best,
RKCharron
🙂
Jim C. Hines
October 21, 2009 @ 10:25 am
Thanks. And yep. Part of the reason I went ahead and posted this one was to remind myself that it’s okay to be human 🙂
Steve Buchheit
October 21, 2009 @ 12:51 pm
The green beast strikes us all. Just keep in mind, even though you may only be a few rungs up the ladder, some of the rest of us are gunning for at least your success. 🙂
KatG
October 21, 2009 @ 3:57 pm
I’m buying the Goblin books as fast as I can. Yeesh! Now get back to work — you exist to serve me, you know, not the other way around. Haven’t you learned anything from the chorus against George Martin? 🙂
Political comedian Tom Lehrer had the best comment ever on this subject, for me, which is the joke: “It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.” There are always lower and higher. For instance, you have published six well-received novels. You also still have a day job. That doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t whine. But when we start doing it, my daughter — who is very involved in Free the Children right now — and I turn to each other and go: “Kids in Africa?” “Kids in Africa.” (And unfortunately kids in the U.S. too.) And we shut up. But a little whining on a daily basis is okay, like chocolate. Think of it as goal-setting. Which is my other favorite quote, from Samuel Beckett: “Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Jim C. Hines
October 21, 2009 @ 4:00 pm
Yes! My readers are finally comparing me to George Martin!
Maybe not in the way I’d like, but I’ll take it 🙂
Great quote, too. I’ve used the fail better line before, but it’s nice to know where it came from.
Lisa Shearin
October 22, 2009 @ 10:48 am
You are so not alone, Jim. I do EXACTLY the same thing. I think it’s a part of writers’ DNA.
Lisa
Shannon Delany/Saoirse Redgrave
October 22, 2009 @ 1:14 pm
I agree, the writer envy thing is probably the norm. I’m so proud of the writers I know who are ahead of me, but I twitch if I compare their success to my own.
I think remembering where you are along this journey is the key to maintaining some semblance of sanity–perspective. We get different things sometimes because we need different things (at least that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it 😉
Miniatures of your characters IS awesome. *sigh* Glad you’re having the success you’re having. Keep doing what you love–for that there is no comparison.
Jim C. Hines
October 22, 2009 @ 5:23 pm
Thanks, Lisa. I suspect it’s as much about being human as it is about being a writer 🙂
Lisa Shearin
October 22, 2009 @ 5:36 pm
I have writer envy, but I’m learning to control it. Every time I read about one of my friends getting another foreign rights deal, or a mega-enormous advance, or making the NYT list, I snatch myself back from being jealous. I’m happy for them, and I email and tell them so. I feel so incredibly blessed to have what I have now. If more follows . . . well, that’ll just be the sprinkles on my cupcake. ; )
Lisa
Jim C. Hines
October 22, 2009 @ 8:33 pm
Perspective helps. The trouble with only comparing to those higher on the ladder is that it completely distorts the whole picture. So it’s helpful to look back as well, and remember where we were 1, 5, or 10 years back.
And thank you. The miniatures aren’t a money-maker, but they’re just so freaking cool! 🙂
Jim C. Hines
October 22, 2009 @ 8:34 pm
Here’s wishing you lots of sprinkles, Lisa!
J.M. Martin
October 22, 2009 @ 11:41 pm
Thank you for your honesty, Jim. I have various pub creds to my name, but nothing to honestly brag about and, yes, I feel that familiar pang of envy at times — as you said, it’s only human — but I also take what others have accomplished and use it as motivation.
I’ll trade you a little honesty of my own. When I flip through novels at the local Border’s and realize I’m a better writer, putting all ego aside, than this bloke with his or her name in big letters on the cover… well, that’s when I truly get envious (read that “dismayed”) and/or motivated.
Again, thanks for taking the leap and posting this. I’m really enjoying your blog, which I access through your Goodreads.com profile. Shucks, compared to my own blog, I’m a little envious! 🙂
J.M. Martin
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Jim C. Hines
October 29, 2009 @ 5:48 pm
Regarding that Borders moment, I think most of us have been there and shared your frustration. And thank you! Glad you’re enjoying the blog!
Martin
October 31, 2009 @ 1:36 pm
Hi, I would like to ask if I could write a story in the style of goblin Jig, and perhaps publish it in a magazine Strength (Pevnost)?
Jim C. Hines
November 2, 2009 @ 6:32 pm
Martin,
Thanks for asking. That’s a bit of a tricky question.
The characters of the goblin books are copyrighted, so you couldn’t publish a Jig the goblin story or anything like that. My publisher is pretty protective of such things, after some bad experiences in the past.
On the other hand, you can’t copyright style or ideas. If you wanted to write humorous fantasy using your own characters, but with the same kind of humor, that would certainly be okay.
I hope this makes sense. The whole copyright thing gets a little messy sometimes.
Best,
Jim
Fellshot
November 3, 2009 @ 3:07 am
You can stop feeling envious of Laura Anne Gilman. I read Flesh and Fire and The Mermaid’s Madness and liked yours better. Episodic story for the win! 🙂