Shield Theory
My son and I both had rough days yesterday, and right before bedtime, my wife and I were talking to him about good days and bad days, limits, and why at a certain point we all start to feel overwhelmed and fall apart. I considered bringing up spoon theory, but thought it would be a bit too abstract for him. So instead, I started talking about about Captain America’s shield.
Because in general, every day has good stuff and bad stuff. And just like Cap, we all have a shield we can use to deflect some of the bad stuff and keep it from getting to us. But sometimes there’s too much stuff to block it all, and Cap gets hurt. We all have bad days like that sometimes, where there’s just too much.
What makes life trickier is that your shield can change size. If you’re hungry or overtired, your shield might shrink down to the size of a saucer, which makes it harder to deflect anything. On the other hand, if you’ve had a good night’s sleep, gotten some good exercise, and had fun with your friends, you could end up with a super-shield that’s as big as you are. (Or even a full suit of Iron Man armor. We went off on a tangent at this point, wondering why Tony doesn’t go to Wakanda and make an Iron Man suit out of vibranium.)
As a metaphor, Cap’s shield worked well. We talked about why something might not bother you one day, but the same thing might really get to you on another, depending on how big your shield is that day, and how much else you’ve been trying to deflect. It also seemed to be a good way of talking about self-care, and ways to strengthen your shield so it wouldn’t shrink or crack.
Don’t know if it will be helpful to anyone else, but it was a good conversation with my son, so I figured I’d put it out there.
PLC
April 22, 2016 @ 2:56 pm
Not to disparage the spoon theory, because I know it’s helped a lot of people think about the problem, but yeah, it’s a bit abstract. I honestly find the fact that it’s spoons to be kind of distracting, because I’m always like, “Why spoons?”
Shield theory makes more sense as a metaphor, because a shield actually protects you from stuff. Also, bonus points for it being Captain America’s shield, not just because Cap, but because he’s has always been more about moral strength/courage than physical strength.
Angelle
April 22, 2016 @ 3:18 pm
Very nicely done. Especially the examples that affect the size of your shield.
And the Starks have never taken Vibranium very seriously. No one seems to know why.
Libby Block
April 22, 2016 @ 3:43 pm
Why spoons? Because it’s what she had on hand at the time. From what I understand, Christine Miserandino didn’t plan to explain her life that way or in that place, it just happened.
Gus Hinrich
April 22, 2016 @ 3:46 pm
I like your metaphor.
Also, thanks for the link to “spoon theory”. I’d heard the expression & had a vague idea what it meant, but, well, now I know!!
DawnD
April 22, 2016 @ 3:49 pm
Thank you. I may try this with my son. I have used the spoon theory with my daughter, and it works well with her. She’ll even tell me she’s out of spoons. My son will do better with this version I think. Good job!
KatG
April 22, 2016 @ 5:19 pm
Tony doesn’t make a suit of vibranium because while tough, it’s harder to maneuver, less flexible. That’s why his dad made Cap’s shield out of vibranium, as the shield is meant to serve as a single hard object, but did not make Cap a costume out of vibranium, which would have reduced Cap’s speed, maneuverability and flexibility.
The shield metaphor I think is equally good and spatially simple. I’m going to pass this one on.
Jim C. Hines
April 22, 2016 @ 6:14 pm
Hm … I dunno. Iron Man’s suit looks like it’s made up of lots of small, segmented pieces. As long as it’s all jointed properly, he should be able to move.
Though now I’m thinking about how the shield ricochets and bounces without losing any appreciable speed. That could be bad if one was wearing a vibranium suit and experienced any unexpected collision or landing.
Leslie
April 22, 2016 @ 8:00 pm
Great metaphor – I’m going to use it. Thank you for sharing!
Shayla Dunn
April 22, 2016 @ 9:05 pm
I like using money as a metaphor. Everything you do costs something. Most people start their day with plenty of money and have some change left over at the end of the day. People who are chronically ill–which is what Spoon Theory is specifically meant to address–start with less. Sometimes a lot less and usually they don’t know how much they’re going to start with each day or when they’re going to run out because the cost of things is usually inflated for them. What costs you $1 worth of energy may cost me $5. You know ahead of time that it’s going to cost you $1. I find out in the middle of doing something–I’ve had to stop playing a board game in the middle, for instance–or after when I just kind of fall over, totally out of money for the day and still only a fraction of the way through it.
I think that makes more sense to more people than spoons. (I also have an issue with Miserandino allegedly trying to pursue people who have made products based on The Spoon Theory and demanding they give them to her for free because they’re infringing upon her copyright. That’s not how copyright protection works.)
Shayla Dunn
April 22, 2016 @ 9:22 pm
I think this is an excellent metaphor. Spoon Theory is very much about dealing with chronic illness and the more it is generally used, the harder it is for those who are chronically ill to be taken seriously when they use it to talk about themselves. Some people even refer to themselves as “spoonies” as a shorthand for “chronically ill.” When I talk about being out of spoons, for example, that probably means I’ve showered for the first time in a week and left the house for an hour. When someone who is “normal” talks about being out of spoons, they probably mean something a whole lot different.
I think using Captain America is great for abled people because he’s usually the picture of health and ability. He gets knocked down, he gets up again. When a spoony is knocked down, if they don’t break something, they probably flail a bit, eventually get up, take their pain meds–you know a spoony by the way they roll their eyes when you talk about taking an Excedrin for a headache–then crash for the rest of the day. (Not that I can or do speak for all spoonies.)
It’s a totally different paradigm.
Charlayne Denney
April 22, 2016 @ 10:37 pm
I use Spoon Theory a lot for my own illnesses but this shield theory is another great way. Especially when you have kids of those with illness or you have a child diagnosed with an illness.
Thanks Jim!
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April 23, 2016 @ 12:24 am
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Sterling Smith
April 23, 2016 @ 1:15 am
The Simple answer is the Wakandians. Tony HAS tried to get more Vibranium and had his iron butt handed to him with the message that if he tried that again that he wouldn’t have a butt to be handed back. Even Howard Stark was never able to get his hands on much Vibranium, which is why Cap’s shield is a Vibranium/Adamantium alloy and NOT solid Vibranium.
Fraser
April 23, 2016 @ 8:58 am
No, they retconned that away after someone pointed out adamantium was invented years later. Now the shield is a mix of vibranium with a unique, one-of-a-kind fluke—adamantium is the best its creator could do at duplicating the shield (but it still falls short).
Shayla Dunn
April 23, 2016 @ 7:50 pm
(I realized belatedly that this comment assumes ableness on your part and the part of your child. I deeply apologize, regardless of whether or not it is the case.)
Jim C. Hines
April 23, 2016 @ 8:24 pm
It’s…not an entirely correct assumption, but no offense taken, and no worries on my part. I appreciate the follow-up, though – thank you 🙂
Cat Sittingstill
April 24, 2016 @ 12:35 pm
I think the difference is that shield theory is about being able to shrug off bad stuff and keep going, and spoon theory is about having the energy to do things. Say you have the opportunity to do something you love—go hiking in the woods maybe. Your shield probably isn’t an issue; you aren’t going to have to be polite to jerks or whatever. But your spoons–your energy level–that *can* be an issue.
I think they’re complementary theories, myself.
AMM
April 25, 2016 @ 12:42 pm
I’ve read that a lot of disabled people are kind of annoyed at how abled people us the spoon theory to describe their own lives.
The point of the story (if you read the linked article)- is to make it clear how just getting through a “normal” day — one in which you just get the basics done — is a constant exercise in choices and strategizing. You _never_ have enough “spoons” (health and/or energy) to do what abled people would simply assume they’d be able to get done and still have energy and health left over. And when you run out, that’s it, you can’t will yourself any further, any more than you can make your car go another 50 miles when you run bone-dry in the middle of a desert.
I think it’s rather different from the shield theory, which seems to deal with the unexpected or extra stuff that can happen in an otherwise normal life.
Also, I don’t know about the situation with your son, but children in families in good circumstances can usually rely on older people in their family to take up the slack when a day gets to be too much for them. Disabled people are frequently on their own; if they “run out of spoons” by dinner time, no one else is going to make them dinner or clean up afterwards. Plus, abled people tend to accuse them of being lazy or slovenly because they let their home become a mess.
Lawrence
April 25, 2016 @ 1:42 pm
It’s not so abstract if you eat food. Also, I’m always running out of forks. Some days I have to rewash them, because I don’t have enough. They are sitting in the dishwasher, and that meatloaf just ain’t going to eat itself.
Debbie
April 27, 2016 @ 12:20 pm
Thank you so much for posting this. I think it’s a brilliant way to explain good days/bad days, and I’ll likely be thinking of them that way a lot. I’m also glad you posted the link about spoon theory. I’d not heard it before, and now I’ll be trying harder to see those with chronic illness- especially my mother- with a little more compassion.
Emily
April 27, 2016 @ 3:47 pm
I really like this metaphor, and will use it in therapy with kiddos (and their parents!). Thank you for sharing it.
Denise
April 27, 2016 @ 4:53 pm
Thank you for sharing this. I’m always interested in how other people explain how there are good days and bad days, and how outside things (health, energy, weather, etc) play into that. My almost teenage ASD son (who also has chronic depression) has a difficult time with understanding why he has good or bad days when things generally seem the same, even as we’ve worked through a lot of other situations/ideas that he has had difficulties with. This might be part of the key to helping him “get” that (he kind of understands Spoon Theory, particularly as it relates to my having good/bad days), and to maybe explain to others when his shield is smaller. He’s his best advocate when he has the necessary tools.
(And before anyone gets on me for how I identified my son, it’s how he identifies himself. He will tell people “I am ASD [or Aspie, depending on the day], and I have chronic depression.” He sees the ASD as essential to his identity and the chronic depression as something treatable/manageable and less a part of who he is. I have a pretty perceptive/awesome kid there.)
Dana
April 27, 2016 @ 7:34 pm
I like this interpretation very much.
LunarG
May 2, 2016 @ 7:45 am
It’s a great theory, but I’m sorry you both had shrinking shield days. I can’t imagine how stressful that must have been for you as a parent, seeing his ability to cope dwindling as your ability to support him most effectively did the same. 🙁
Virtual belated hugs if you want ’em.
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