Codex Born Teaser Text
I wanted to run this by folks before I send it in to my editor on Monday. This would be either on the back of the dust jacket or, more likely, in the cover flap for Codex Born [Amazon | B&N | Mysterious Galaxy]. Any and all feedback is welcome.
And thanks!
—
Isaac Vainio’s life was almost perfect. He should have known it couldn’t last.
Living and working as a part-time librarian in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, Isaac had finally earned the magical research position he dreamed of with Die Zwelf Portenære, better known as the Porters. He was seeing a smart, fun, gorgeous dryad named Lena Greenwood. He had been cleared by Johannes Gutenberg to do libriomancy once again, to reach into books and create whatever he chose from their pages. Best of all, it had been more than two months since anything tried to kill him.
And then Isaac, Lena, and Porter psychiatrist Nidhi Shah are called to the small mining town of Tamarack, Michigan, where a pair of septuagenarian werewolves have discovered the brutally murdered body of a wendigo.
What begins as a simple monster-slaying leads to deeper mysteries and the discovery of an organization thought to have been wiped out more than five centuries ago by Gutenberg himself. Their magic rips through Isaac’s with ease, and their next target is Lena Greenwood.
They know Lena’s history, her strengths and her weaknesses. Born decades ago from the pages of a pulp fantasy novel, she was created to be the ultimate fantasy woman, shaped by the needs and desires of her companions. Her powers are unique, and Gutenberg’s enemies mean to use her to destroy everything he and the Porters have built. But their plan could unleash a far darker power, an army of entropy and chaos, bent on devouring all it touches.
The Upper Peninsula is about to become ground zero in a magical war like nothing the world has seen in more than five hundred years. But the more Isaac learns about Gutenberg and the Porters, the more he questions whether he’s fighting for the right cause.
One way or another, Isaac must find a way to stop a power he doesn’t fully understand. And even if he succeeds, the outcome will forever change him, the Porters, and the whole world.
Jeff Linder
February 2, 2013 @ 8:06 pm
Honestly it seems a bit long. Been a while since I have read a hardback, but I usually think jacket text is 3-4 paragraphs at most.
Jim C. Hines
February 2, 2013 @ 8:07 pm
It’s roughly the same length as what I turned in for Libriomancer. My editor actually saw an early version and told me to flesh it out a bit 🙂
Caryn
February 2, 2013 @ 10:02 pm
Want. Soon. Can’t think of anything unnecessary. But maybe add Smudge?
Avilyn
February 2, 2013 @ 10:30 pm
I love the opening two sentences; they grab your attention and make me go “Oh, must read!”
The fourth paragraph (“What begins as a simple …”), though, doesn’t sit right with me, and I’m not sure why. Maybe because it sounds more like something from a reviewer than the author, I don’t know. I like the rest of it though.
Jeremy
February 2, 2013 @ 11:18 pm
Overall, I like it quite a bit. The only part that gave me pause was the abbreviation U.P. in the second to last paragraph. Perhaps it is common enough farther east to be immediately recognizable, but this West Coaster had difficulty decoding it. To try and puzzle it out I began scanning back looking for what it could be referring to. I assumed that the referent would be close by. Since Porters is capitalized in the preceding paragraph, I temporarily guessed that it had something to do with them and began searching for what the U could be. When I didn’t find anything scanning two paragraphs back, I read the whole thing again from the beginning. When I read the second sentence, it became clear that you were referring to the Upper Peninsula, but since even in the sentence in which it appears Upper Peninsula isn’t the most significant capital-P word, it did not register in my initial reading as something I needed to keep track of. I would suggest you either don’t use the abbreviation in the penultimate paragraph or, if you like that phrasing, find some way to work “Upper Peninsula” in a bit closer to the abbreviation.
I can’t wait to read the book!
liz
February 3, 2013 @ 12:53 am
he first paragraph is excellent, but I start to lose interest with the one starting ‘And then Isaac…’ The rest is merely ok. I don’t know what to do about the previous commentor’s confusion on the abbreviation U.P. Being from MI myself I hear it on a pretty regular basis. Perhaps leaving the abbreviation out entirely and simply using the long form on the jacket, and leave the fun terms like ‘yooper’, ‘troll’, and ‘U.P.’ for inside the text.
Can’t wait btw. Enjoyed Libriomancer excessively and told all my friends/relatives about it. And just so you know… that’s almost all of Mecosta county 😉
Jim C. Hines
February 3, 2013 @ 9:32 am
I could just write it out as Upper Peninsula in that last paragraph, too…
Jim C. Hines
February 3, 2013 @ 9:33 am
The first draft had Smudge, but it felt forced to me. I’ll take another look.
If nothing else, Smudge will at least be on the front cover with Lena.
Jim C. Hines
February 3, 2013 @ 10:52 am
Yeah, I think I’m just going to write out “Upper Peninsula” in that last paragraph, just to be safe.
And thank you! 🙂
Dineke
February 3, 2013 @ 11:00 am
The UP reference also confused me. I am from the Netherlands, so am not overly familar with Michigan, to say the least.
First two sentences made me want to read the book. I loved Libriomancer.
I know that you are not asking for advice on making it shorter, but I do not think that the paragraph starting with ‘They know’ is necessary for this text. Maybe even too much detail. I think I would just skim over it, for one thing because I usually want to know as little as possible before reading.
My two cents.
I am very much looking forward to this book!
Michelle
February 3, 2013 @ 11:16 am
“Best of all, it had been more than two months since anything tried to kill him.”
Sir, you have my money.
Amy Bauer
February 3, 2013 @ 12:20 pm
Kept my interest. As an East Coaster, I agree with writing out U.P. It derailed me too.
Amber
February 3, 2013 @ 4:31 pm
Jim, I have read your blog long enough to trust that Lena won’t be a walking misogynistic trope, but if it wasn’t you, I would immediately put down a book that described a female character as being “created to be the ultimate fantasy woman” on the jacket. It’s one of those things that would be really easy to get wrong. So you might want to take a second look at that particular phrasing/description.
Jim C. Hines
February 3, 2013 @ 4:40 pm
Oh, that’s a good point, thank you.
Hyptosis (Daniel Harris)
February 3, 2013 @ 9:10 pm
Hahaha, fantastic! 😀
David Y
February 3, 2013 @ 9:27 pm
Or say “Yoop” the way my wife’s cousin does.
Stephen Blackmoore
February 4, 2013 @ 1:22 pm
I like it, though I had the same thought as Amber.
You could cut the first two sentences of the “They know Lena’s history…” paragraph and start it with “Her powers are unique…”
You could probably also cut the final paragraph and not lose anything.
Sally
February 4, 2013 @ 5:03 pm
I’d strike out the first two sentences of “They know” paragraph as well. Or at least the second one, or at minimum “she was… her companions”.
Doesn’t add to her, and definitely gives the wrong idea of the book’s treatment of her. That’s the sort of phrasing that gets ya posed on the cover like a nekkid, headless, Mobius strip.
The last paragraph is kind of anti-climactic and also could go.
Sally
February 4, 2013 @ 5:08 pm
Well, frack, that’ll learn me to not read over the weekend. Everyone pretend my advice can time-travel backwards two days!
Martin
February 4, 2013 @ 5:46 pm
Is there a chance to become beta reader? If yes: what does one have to do get the job?
Jim C. Hines
February 5, 2013 @ 8:21 am
First, you must bring me … a shrubbery!
Pam Adams
February 5, 2013 @ 1:28 pm
septuagenarian werewolves Are they 10 in human years?
Jim C. Hines
February 5, 2013 @ 1:30 pm
Heh. No 🙂
Martin
February 5, 2013 @ 2:04 pm
Ah, that will be tough one (both the quest and the shrubbery, since it will have to survive USPS),
Martin
February 5, 2013 @ 4:03 pm
Beside which shrubbery shell i place it? It should be only slightly higher so you get a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle.
Kaite Fink
February 10, 2013 @ 9:57 pm
You could just be mean and instead of UP or writing it out fully, put ‘Da UP, eh?’ each time. I forget that people outside of the mitten may not get UP. I’ve had people tell me I incorrectly typed USPS (US Postal Service).
I agree about the 4th and 5th paragraphs. Parts seem a bit over-used. And if we know her history, we don’t need the jacket to tell it. HA! I have only just begun the first book and here I am all jumpy for the next.
Tyler
February 25, 2013 @ 1:28 pm
I think if you lose the entirety of sentence 2 in paragraph 4, you are in good shape. I’d also lose the Gutenberg references, ie. change paragraph 1, sentence 3 to “He had been cleared to do Libriomancy again, to reach into books and create whatever he chose from their pages.” If they’ve read Libriomancer then they know JG. If they haven’t, it causes confusion. My two cents.
I’m looking forward to it!