Oakbottom’s Revenge
Trees. Lurking in gangs, watching in silence.
Trees! Their resentment simmering after millenia of abuse, remembering every log cabin, every paper factory, every sawmill, and every indignity left by your dog.
Trees … fanning the coals of their hatred. Luring us into complacence, until they STRIKE! Suddenly and without warning. Sacrificing themselves in true kamikaze spirit.
It’s my own fault. As a paperback writer, I should have realized I had a special place on their enemies list. How many of their kind have I killed, building a career on their pulped corpses?
But even as I was writing about Oakbottom, the man-tossing oak in Goblin War with heartwood of stone, never could I have imagined how truly evil these creatures could be in their pursuit of splintery vengeance, striking not at me, but at my children’s playsets.
I mean, come on! That’s just cruel!
Thankfully, nobody was hurt. The playsets are history, but damage to the house itself was minimal. The kids were pretty shaken up, though. Not looking forward to working with the insurance company, tree removal, fence repair, and the rest of it. Still, it’s only stuff. All in all, it could be so much worse.
Pictures behind the cut.
Tree: 1, Fence: 0
The playset was a Christmas gift to the kids from their grandparents.
My daughter has decided she doesn’t like trees. I can’t argue with her.
The older swingset took a hit as well. Not as bad, but I’m afraid it’s still fatal.
The top struck the gutter, but the rest of the tree pretty much broke apart there. House: 1, Tree: 0. That’s what happens when you attack an opponent with too high a Challenge Rating.
I’m starting to think Durkon might have a point…
Michelle Swiniarski
June 9, 2009 @ 8:27 am
Wow, I’m not sure which is more impressive, the damage the evil trees perpetrated on your swingsets or your description of it. Bummer for your kids, though. Maybe the nice wooden set could be fixed. You’d think the tree would have taken pity on the WOODEN swingset. Evil trees.
Victoria (kerinda)
June 9, 2009 @ 8:27 am
I still say the crazy anthropomorphic trees were the best part of the goblin books.
But yeah, they might be a bit pissed at you for the characterization.
Jim C. Hines
June 9, 2009 @ 8:30 am
The still-standing half of the playset doesn’t look too bad, but I don’t know how stable it will be with half its structure down. A lot is just going to depend on how things go with the insurance company.
Jim C. Hines
June 9, 2009 @ 8:30 am
I loved Oakbottom. It took several drafts before his character finally emerged, but once it did, he instantly became one of my favorites from that book 🙂
Stephanie
June 9, 2009 @ 10:29 am
Jim, I loved the tale you spun! I’m sorry for the “collateral damage” though. Good luck sorting out/arranging for the insurance, repairs, etc. Home ownership is such fun sometimes! 🙂
Jim C. Hines
June 9, 2009 @ 10:35 am
Thanks, Stephanie. I enjoy having our own place, but there are days I miss living in an apartment and letting others worry about lawn mowing, building maintenance, and so on. (Though I like not having to wait three weeks for said maintenance to get done!)
Ken H
June 9, 2009 @ 11:57 am
One word: Bonfire.
two words? BIG bonfire.
Glad no humans were damaged. Maybe you could roast some marshmallows over chunks of flaming dismembered tree arcass?
Jim C. Hines
June 9, 2009 @ 11:59 am
You know, we were talking about that. A big bonfire with hot dogs and marshmallows, just so the kids can feel like they’re getting some revenge 🙂
Uncle Randy
June 12, 2009 @ 11:06 am
I heard of the sneak attack, how rude! I would have to vote for an upgrade on the playset, could be a selling point in the future. Good luck on the recovery.
Jim C. Hines
June 12, 2009 @ 11:13 am
I suspect that’s what we’ll end up doing, assuming it doesn’t mess up the insurance process. The kids are definitely voting for an upgrade 🙂